Project: Prevent Parenthood
by face-the-fire
Summary: Professor McGonagall had introduced a new and unique program to the 7th year students at Hogwarts, AKA: Project: Prevent Parenthood. This program’s purpose was to prevent the adolescents from producing their own monsters, by showing them what a nuisance t
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Oh my gosh! Can you _believe _that we get to look after pretend babies? Babies are _so _adorable!" Lily Evan, a 7th year Gryffindor, walked eagerly into her transfiguration classroom while chatting excitedly with her best friend, Alice Cuthill. Professor McGonagall had introduced a new and unique program to the 7th year students at Hogwarts, AKA: Project: Prevent Parenthood. This program's purpose was to prevent the adolescents from producing their own monsters, by showing them what a nuisance they can be while you still have your whole life ahead of you. McGonagall hoped to make a lasting impression on these young minds, and to have some fun along the way. As Lily linked arms with Alice and they strode towards their 4th row seat, her fiery red hair swung behind her in a pendulum-like fashion. James Potter, accompanied by his fellow marauders, did not fail to notice this as he entered the classroom behind her, listening in on Lily and Alice's conversation. However, when James heard Lily speak of looking after pretend babies, he stopped dead in his tracks, and began opening and closing his mouth like a fish, and when no sound emitted, he began making frantic gestures towards Lily.

Finally, after much struggling and a threat of Sirius performing mouth-to-mouth, James forced out a few choice words, followed by, "Oi Lily-bean! Do we really have to look after pretend babies?"

Lily turned around and narrowed her bright emerald-coloured eyes at James's hazel ones. "Yes Potter, we do. Don't you read?"

James looked quite offended by this question. "Well, yes, of course I do, but where in the sodding hell…?"

"The notice board Potter," Lily interrupted, then turned away and resumed talking with Alice.

James turned to Remus, looking quite confused. "We have a notice board?" Remus nodded. "Since when?"

"Since forever Prongs," Remus said tiredly.

"_Really!_ …Where?"

"You know, it's the rather large, cork board, which says NOTICE BOARD in large, scarlet letters, right next to the portrait hole."

James's face looked blank for a moment, and then he feigned a look of comprehension. "_Riiiight! _Of _course _I know what you're talking about!" Remus looked unconvinced, but let it slide as Professor McGonagall entered the room. The marauders took this as their cue to sit down in the 3rd row, with James and Sirius right in front of Lily and Alice, and Remus and Peter in the nest desk over on their right.

"Good morning class. Today will not be a typical Transfiguration class as most of you, excluding select few, should be well aware of." McGonagall shot James and Sirius a weary, glance, as if she believed them to be hopeless, which wasn't far from the truth. Snape sniggered at this, and James turned his head in Snape's direction, and gave him the dirtiest glare he could manage. Then James raised his fists, and caused them to resemble hand-puppet Pac-man mouths. Then James mimed that one mouth was him, and the other was Snape. Viciously, the James mouth gobbled up the Snape mouth.

James looked quite proud of himself until Lily tapped him on the shoulder and remarked sarcastically, "Oh how _sweet_! You and Severus _practically _just snogged!" James made a contorted face, turned to the front of the class, and sunk down in his seat, thoroughly disgusted, and barely listening to a word McGonagall was saying.

"Your baby is put together using genes of the selected partners, which creates the image of an actual baby. Your baby is programmed inside with a few microchips so that by the end of the program, and your child has grown into a 4-year-old; I may see exactly how you have treated your child. The child is obviously magically enhanced, so that it ages much quicker than a normal child. They will reach the age of 4 by the end of the four months, and you will get to see how you have impacted the way your child reacts to other children in a pre-school situation. Now, all of you names have been put in this jar, and when I call your names you will pick out a piece of parchment, and the name on the parchment will be your pretend spouse. I must enforce the rule of, NO SWITCHING PARTNERS! Now listen for your name. Alcott, Karen..." McGonagall read through the list in alphabetical order. Finally, she reached, "Evans, Lily!"

Smiling, Lily walked confidently up to the large glass jar. Once she had picked a piece of parchment, and carefully but eagerly unfolded it, the wide, happy grin slid right off her face. "NO!" She turned, horrified, to look at Professor McGonagall who was barely suppressing a smirk. "You CAN NOT let this… this INJUSTICE happen!" James perked up at this.

Forcing her mouth into its everyday thin line, McGonagall used her most commanding voice. "Miss Evans, who is your partner?"

Her face turning slightly red, Lily Evans, Head Girl and straight O student, began shouting at her Head of House at the top of her lungs. Keep in mind that Lily, having grown accustomed to screaming at James for that past 6 year, had a very large lung capacity. "IT'S THAT EGOTISTICAL, WANKER, TOERAG, PRATTISH GIT, IMBECILE, IDIOTIC…!" Now James's hopes were getting _very _high.

"Miss Evans! Do _not_ shout those rude words in my classroom. The name please, what is the name?"

Lily seemed to calm down slightly, realizing what she was doing, and her eyes narrowed. "Potter," She muttered darkly.

"What's that Miss Evans?"

"POTTER! THE BLOODY NAME IS _POTTER!_" Lily turned to face James, who was grinning widely, and growled at him. James was a little taken aback by this, but his smile only faltered slightly.

"LILY-BEAN IS GOING TO MOTHER PRONGS JUNIOR!" Lily growled again. "Of course, only in terms of this class," he added timidly, for the sake of his safety.

Lily stalked over to James, shoved Sirius violently out of his seat, and sat down next to him. "Potter?"

"Yes?"

"What if the baby's a girl?"

"Then we shall dub her Prongsette!"

"How about Georgina for Bridget?"

"No, they're too

"Fine, what about Jennifer? Jenny for short …?"

James tapped his chin for a moment and looked slightly thoughtful; but only for a split second "Okay, I give you Jenny for a girl. But what is it _is _a Prongs?"

"Well, then there's Daniel, Michael, Curtis…"

"I don't like those."

"Then what _do _you like?"

"How about something with an H….?"

"Like what, Harold, Harvey…?"

No, like…Harry. How about Harry James Potter?"

Lily looked quite astonished. "That's actually a good name, Potter. I'm very surprised."

"Umm, if it's a girl would you like her to be Jennifer Lily Potter?" James looked very hopeful, that Lily would acknowledge the 'Lily Potter' in there. After a couple seconds, Lily nodded slowly.

"Okay, just don't blow her up."

"I WILL NOT BLOW OUR PRONGSETTE UP!" Lily looked unconvinced.

"Alright, I was just checking."

"Why did you have to?" James was eyeing her suspiciously.

"Er, standard parenting procedure," Lily answered nervously, faltering under his questioning gaze.

"Really!" James asked, completely convinced. Lilt nodded. "Well I mustn't have been listening..." Lily rolled her eyes and James continued. "Okay, then it's my turn. Will _you _blow our child up?"

"No."

"Set it on fire?"

"No."

"Eklektroyute it?"

"It's actually electrocute, but no James, I won't."

"YOU JUST CALLED ME JAMES!"

"No I didn't…"

"Yes you did!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"ALRIGHT FINE, I DID YOU BLOODY TOSSER! BUT WHO SODDING CARES? THAT _IS _YOUR NAME, ISN'T IT?"

"Yes."

"STOP SAYING THAT BLOODY WORD...muuumph!"

Lily's hair had gotten slightly in the way of her mouth, as James had shoved it there. Spitting it out hastily, Lily glared at him and raised a fist. James began to cower, as his previous experiences with an enraged Lily had not ended so well. She had a very violent disposition. James was beginning to wonder why he loved Lily so much in the first place. After all, even if 'they' did stand a chance together, it was clear that Lily would be the one wearing the trousers in _that _relationship. James gave Lily a meek look. "Sorry…" he said hesitantly

Seeming to deflate a bit, Lily's expression softened. "It's okay Potter." She then started to giggle. Just a tiny giggle emitted at first, but soon she elapsed into millions of tiny, silent giggles, giving the impression that she was having a convulsion.

"What is so sodding funny?"

Gasping for air, giggling a bit more, then breathing in again, Lily replied, "You just…looked so…FRIGHTENED!" She began to giggle again, and then kept going. "God knows why you're scared of me; you're like three feet taller than me, and rather fit." Realizing what she had said, Lily clapped a hand over her mouth. James raised his eyebrows at her, and Lily turned quite red. "Err…of course by fit I meant, er, in shape you know, not like your attractive or anything, because really, you know, all I was really saying, I that your not….grossly obese. Yeah, that's it. Because if you were you wouldn't be in shape, and you're not obese, so therefore," Lily took a deep breath, "You're in shape."

No matter how hard Lily tried to make it seem like she did not find him attractive in the least, James would wait a _long _time before letting the fact that 'his' Lily-bean had called him fit. It would forever be a secret memory, a secret triumph, a secret…

"LILY-BEAN THINKS I'M SEEEEEXY! SHE WANTS TO HUUUUUUGG ME! SHE WANTS TO SNOOOOGG ME! SHE WANTS TO SHAAA…!"Lily had clapped a hand over his mouth to prevent him from causing her to have to kill him, and promptly, James began to lick it. Now Lily was face with a very sticky situation. She did not want James screaming about her wanting to go at it with him, nor did she want him to snog her hand. So, very quietly, Lily picked up her copy of Advanced Charms Grade 7 with her, _unoccupied, _hand, and then quickly beat James over the head it, causing him to be knocked out and slump to the floor. Then quickly, Lily stowed away her book to hide the evidence, and _scourgified _her hand, and just in time too. McGonagall came striding over, and when she saw James unconscious on the ground and Lily standing behind him, looking blankly down at him, she sighed very loudly. _Would those two EVER learn to get along?_ "What in the name of Merlin happened to your partner Miss Evans?"

"He, er, fainted...Professor"

"Why?"

"From…the shock of, er, getting to spend inordinate amounts of time with me."

"He fainted from excessive happiness?"

"Yes Professor."

"Take him to the hospital wing, Miss Evans."

"Yes Professor." Lily levitated James using _levicorpus, _so that he was dangling unconscious by his ankle, and was headedtowards the door, and the safety of not being caught for causing intentional physical harm to another student, when McGonagall called to her again.

"Oh, and Miss Evans?"

"Yes Professor?"

"Exactly how thick was the book you knocked him out with?"

"Very thick Professor."

"I see. Now off to the hospital wing."

"Yes Professor." Lily nodded her head in obedience. However, once in the safety of the corridors, she began cursing and in her preoccupied state she accidentally knocked the floating upside down James into several suits of armor, and a candle sticking out of the wall. She very much hoped that James would not notice the scorch marks on his clothes.

When Lily finally arrived at the Hospital Wing, Madame Pomfrey came bustling to the doors, and when she saw James dangling upside down she looked shocked. "Surely you know, Miss Evan, when people are upside down for excessive amounts a time that all their blood rushed to their heads?" Indeed, James face was exceedingly red, Lily began to laugh, and Madame Pomfrey looked horrified that Lily found the fact that all of James's blood was in his head. "What a _horrible _sense of humor you have! Take him down this instant Miss Evans!" With a flick of Lily's wand James came tumbling down and landed with a hard thud on his head. Lily kept laughing, but then saw a bit of blood coming from his head.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Yes dear, didn't you realize that if you drop someone from 10 feet in the air onto their heads that they would injure themselves?" Madame Pomfrey shook her head, and levitated James properly into one of the hospital wing beds. Lily was still I shock.

"Oh!"

"Miss Evans, stop screaming."

"My!"

"Miss _Evans..._" Madame Pomfrey urged.

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD!" Lily was now going into hysterics. She could not _stand _blood, or being the one to cause someone to bleed. Even if it was Potter.

"I KILLED POTTER! I KILLED HIM! I KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLED HIM! OH MY GOD I'LL BE SENT TO AZKABAN! I KILLED THE FATHER OF MY BABY!"

"Miss Evans, surely your not...er, with child?"

"Of _course _I'm not, it's just a project but _still, _I KILLED HIM! MY POOR JENNY WON'T HAVE A FATHER!"

"Miss Evans you did not kill him, you merely made his head bleed slightly."

"Oh but you don't understand! First I hit him over the head with my Advanced Charms book, which is very thick by the way, and then he smashed into suits of armor and burning candles, and then, I DROPPED HIM ON HIS HEAD! HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE SERIOUS BRAIN DAMAGE NOW!"

"Miss Evans, he is fine. Look, he is even coming round now. I'll leave you two alone." Lily walked into the little area closed off by white curtains and sat on the chair beside his bed. When James saw her there, he smirked.

"So, you hit me with your book? And dropped me on my head? What an excellent healer you'll make some day Lily-bean."

"Oh shove it Potter. You know just where you can go."

"Tisk, tisk! First hurting me and then telling me to shove it? Where's you sympathy Lily-bean?"

"It went down the loo as soon as I met you. Besides, it's your entire fault that I hurt you."

"Oh, how is it my fault?"

"BECAUSE YOU SNOGGED MY HAND!"

Authors Note: And there you have it, I've had this idea for a while, but couldn't figure out how to start in. They probably won't actually _get _their babies until either the end of the next chapter or beginning of the 3rd. Anyways, in order to update I'd like to get at least 6 or 7 reviews (maybe more), because I know that Lily and James stories under humor get a lot of hits, so I'd like a lot of reviews too, whether or not you like it. If don't like it, please say why though so I can fix it. Anyways, press the little purplish button! (the one that says Submit Review)

P.S. If any of you think lily is a bit OOC, (because of all her swearing) I must tell you that the only reason she uses bad language is because James pisses her off so much. Hmmm...won't their child have a potty mouth?


	2. Chapter 2 Green Eggs and Ham

Author's Note: Thanks to all who reviewed! I love you all! I wasn't expecting to get 6, so soon after posting! )

australiaman: Thanks! Are you really from Australia? I've never been there before! (I'm from Canada) Have you ever seen a kangaroo?

Kelly: Thanks for your feedback about Lily's dramatics, and I know it _was _a bit over the top, but I try to make my characters (even if they're already 'created' by someone else) somewhat original. She won't be dramatic all the time, but blood scares her. And I know she's a bit mean, but grudges heal in time...with some people.

Holy Cross Baby: Thank you! )

Hippie Jade: I can see you reviewed...and so update I will!

SerenityRose016: YAY! I made you laugh! That's always good, and that's the er... _aim, _of humor stories, so laughter as a response is always good! ;)

Candy: Thanks for reviewing and on the note of your review: Expect the unexpected! ;) (I can't give anything away now can I?)

Sorry if I missed anyone (If I received your review after I post this).

Oh and one more thing! Check this out; it's called the Kirby Dance:

('-' ) ('-') ( '-') 

Isn't it so adorable?

ON WITH THE STORY!

Chapter Two:

_Previously:_

"_So, you hit me with your book? And dropped me on my head? What an excellent healer you'll make some day Lily-bean."_

"_Oh shove it Potter. You know just where you can go."_

"_Tisk, tisk! First hurting me and then telling me to shove it? Where's you sympathy Lily-bean?"_

"_It went down the loo as soon as I met you. Besides, it's your entire fault that I hurt you."_

"_Oh, how is it my fault?"_

"_BECAUSE YOU SNOGGED MY HAND!"_

"I didn't snog your _hand, _per say."

"Oh REALLY? Then how in sodding hell did my hand get covered in YOUR saliva? I didn't just stick it in there. Your not a bloody calf!"

"You stuck your hand in a baby cow's mouth?"

Lily's face was turning red. "They er, like to suck on people's hands."

"So you _voluntarily _stuck your hand in there?"

"Er...Yes."

"And you're disgusted by me supposedly snogging your hand?"

"Yes Potter. Very disgusted."

"So a calf can song your hand, but not me?"

"IT WASN'T SNOGGING MY HAND! IT WAS _TEETHING_!"

"So if I was teething..."

"I would get you a rubber ring."

"Oh." James now saw that this argument had a dead end. And he just loved to see his Lily-Bean angry, it made her eyes all flashy. So...

"By the way, you misunderstood my body language. When I was licking your hand, I was _pretending _to snog you. On your mouth. You know, _actual _snogging."

"That's disgusting you know Potter, pretending to snog me whilst you really snogging my hand. You really need to grow up a bit."

"I _have _grown up a bit, just not a whole lot."

"Well your going to have to if you want to be a father. Especially if I'm going to be the mother."

"Of course I'd love to father your babies Lily-Bean..." Lily slapped him on the arm, careful to avoid his head.

"It wasn't an invitation you stupid git."

James pouted. "Why must you always crush my dreams?"

"Because all of your dreams involve you getting it on with me."

"No they don't."

"Alright then what else do you dream about?"

"Oh no just you, you're just not always getting it on with _me, _exactly."

"ERGH! You perverted prat!"

"SEE! You're always putting me down."

"No I'm not Potter."

"You don't even call me by my first name. Sure, you call _Snape _by his first name, just not me..."

Lily now felt bad. James did look really put down. "Er, that's not true! I call loads of people by their surname, like...Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Pomfrey!"

"Your supposed to call Professors by their surnames Lily."

"Madame Pomfrey isn't a Professor."

"_Lily-Bean._"

"Alright FINE! For this project to work, I suppose we'll have to compromise. I'll call you by your first name, and you...can't hit on me."

"But hitting on you is..."

PO-I mean...JAMES!"

"Yay! And by the way, you can't hit me with books anymore."

"Then you can't snog my hands."

"Then you can't cover my mouth. Freedom of speech!"

"Then you can't...talk about how you think I want to shag you."

"What about..."

"Or snog you."

"Okay what about..."

"Or hug you."

"Picky! What about..."

"Or that you think I think you're sexy."

"What about fit?"

"That too.

"I think you've gotten everything."

"You can't swear either ...James."

"_Me _swear? What about you?"

"Shut up."

"Then you can't say shut up around little Harry James either."

"It won't be a little Harry James. It will be a little Jennifer Lily.

"Maybe not!"

"Oh but I _know _it will, because I am a mother and I know these things."

"But you're not a mother _yet._"

"Oh shut…_shush _up. I can still get my maternal instincts early!"

"NO you can't. It's not possible."

"Yes it is."

"Then fine, my paternal instinct has kicked in and…I say that little Jenny will play Quidditch."

"She'll never be old enough to play Quidditch James."

"It's never to early for Quidditch!"

"Yes there is. Why? When did you start?"

"When I was one."

"When you were bloody _one_?"

"No swearing Lily-bean."

"Sorry….but you were ONE!"

"Yep. My parents bought me a toddler broom that just floats around like a couple feet from the ground, and before I could hold myself on it my dad would hold me up and walk beside. But by the time I was three I could do it myself, and when I was four I got a real, but small broom."

"Alright fine, she can ride a broom, but only with supervision."

"Well of course."

"Then we have to read to her a lot too, so that she learns to like it and can read Dr. Seuss books by herself by 3 or 4."

"Dr. Seuss?"

"He's a muggle author, that writes REALLY good books for children. Like Green Eggs and Ham."

"Green Eggs and Ham?"

"Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox?" Lily recited. "Would you eat them in a house? Would you eat them with a mouse?"

"What the hell…_heck _are you on about?"

"It's an excerpt from Green Eggs and Ham. This little creature thing named Sam tries to get this other creature to Eat Green Eggs and Ham. But the other creature doesn't want to, but finally does and at the end of the story…"

"NO DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME!" James had now clapped his hands over his ears. "I want to read it myself if it's such a good book."

"It was the first book I ever read, and before I could, I actually could remember which part of the story went with each picture, so I had the book memorized."

"Well weren't you a nerdy little toddler.."

"Oh…_shush _up."

All of a sudden a loud voice rang through the school. "All Seventh Years please report to the Great Hall with your partners, to receive your child."

Lily looked at the bed that Pomfrey had strapped him down on so that he wouldn't escape. But then she notice wheels on the legs. "Well," she sighed. "I just suppose I shall have to roll you down to the Great Hall."

James looked at her, slightly frightened. "_Please _be careful of the stairs."

Authors Note: Yayz another chapter. Sorry for the late update, and please review. I still stand by the now, at least 7 reviews. I don't car if you say yes or no (yes for you like it or no for you don't) though reviews with feedback are GREATLY appreciated, and are replied to.

face-the-fire


	3. Chapter 3 A Bombshell of sorts

Chapter Two: A Bombshell...of sorts.

_Previously:_

_All of a sudden a loud voice rang through the school. "All Seventh Years please report to the Great Hall with your partners, to receive your child."_

_Lily looked at the bed that Pomfrey had strapped him down on so that he wouldn't escape. But then she notice wheels on the legs. "Well," she sighed. "I just suppose I shall have to roll you down to the Great Hall."_

_James looked at her, slightly frightened. "_Please_ be careful of the stairs."_

Lily sighed again. "Don't worry; I won't _roll _you down the stairs. I shall..."

"Drop me down the stairs and leave me defenseless strapped to a...a... torture rack?"

"Umm... not _exactly._" James looked very frightened.

"Oh just please be quiet Lily-Bean and roll me. But honestly, _please _be careful of the stairs!"

"Oh don't worry, It'll be fine."

_15 unsuccessful minutes later:_

Of course, it wasn't fine. It was the exact _opposite _of fine. It was _catastrophic, cataclysmic, life- shattering, tragic, ruinous, calamitous, _and most of all... _NOT FINE! _Unless of course you consider fine as when: the 'torture rack' (which nickname Lily now agreed with) had flipped over a couple times resulting in James skidding down _moving _staircases on his face, rolling directly through a queue of probably a hundred ghosts at alarming speed (James didn't think he would ever get rid of the goose bumps), crashing into many suits of armor, having portrait-people yell at you, and finally, the bed coming to an, er... _stop, _finally, by bumping into a fountain outside the Great Hall doors making The bed _and _James flip over once again, into to fountain face down, _drowning._

"Oh my GOSH! JAMES IS DROWNING! JAMES IS DROWNING! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP! HELP THE POOR SOD! HELP THE SOD! _HELP THE SOOOOOOOOOOOOD!_" When no one seemed to answer Lily's, erm,..._calls, _she bravely decided to take matters into her own hands by plunging into the fountain herself, and using a cutting hex to free James from the torture rack. Not thinking about how she could have just done this earlier, Lily struggled to lift a very limp James out of the fountain and onto the _very safe _in Lily's opinion... floor. Finally after much moving about violently, and effort, Lily slumped James onto the floor. She quickly cast a sort of assessment spell on him to ensure that he was living, and collapsed on the floor beside him, them both sopping wet. After all, lifting a full grown man (but still stupid boy to Lily) much taller and rather muscular than yourself, is very straining for a very small woman. In fact, James was probably a foot and half taller than Lily, possibly 2 feet. Part of the reason that James like Lily so much was because she was like such a little spitfire, he thought it was adorable when she got angry and just looked straight up at him and didn't seem to care how much taller he was than her. Lily liked her small size as well, and it was common knowledge that she thought that all the extra height that James was given, was to accommodate all the extra sawdust that James was filled with.

And that was how the new parenting Professor, Professor Nora Redwood, and Professor McGonagall found them: Sopping wet and unconscious on the floor, with a broken hospital wing bed in fountain, and large puddles of water of the floor. Levitating the two teens to the hospital wing (complete with torture racks and more), the Professors smiled at each other. Wouldn't they be staggered when they woke up to, a... bombshell of sorts.

When Lily awoke she found that she was lying on a bed, no, _torture rack_, in the Hospital wing. Quickly, she jumped up, and banged into the bed that James was this time, not strapped to. Madame Pomfrey had learned from that. "Oh Bloody hell! Wake up Potter!"

James woke up groggily, is vision still bleary. "You're...You're supposed to call me James, Lily-bean."

"Whatever, you're lying on a torture rack!"

"WHAT?" James jumped up and screamed girlishly. Then seeing Lily looking at him with raised eyebrows he flushed and cleared his throat nervously.

"Erm, I mean...AAAAARRRRRGGGGGH!" James grunted deeply. He then pounded hardly on his chest making him cough slightly. "I uhh...had something in my throat when I screamed."

"Oh shove it James, you scream like a girl, deal with it."

"I do _not _scream like a _girl."_

"Then what _do _you scream like?"

"Like the one and only James Potter."

"You say poe-taaa-toe, I say poe-tah-toe. You say James Potter, I say girl. You say one and only, and I say mass-produced backstreet boy."

"Right... _What?_"

"Oh nevermind you're just too daft to understand. It was an insult, whelk."

"I am _not _a whelk!"

"Do you even know what a whelk _is_?"

"Umm...yes!"

"Really? What's you're definition?"

"A...whale."

"No you sod, its like a _really _stupid person, like you've just proved yourself to be. You really are thick."

"No I'm not. Now Crabbe and Goyle, _they're _thick. You could honestly hit one of them over the head with a troll club, and it would take 5 days just for the wave of pain to reach their brain."

"Oh _that's _just exaggerating. It would only take two days." Lily giggled at this.

"Oh my god you giggled."

"Yes, so?"

"You never _giggle._"

"That's not true. I was giggling at you just this morning in McGonagall's class."

"But that doesn't count as it was aimed at me. You never just, _giggle _at _jokes _that have the purpose of making fun of others."

"Sure I do."

"Really? When?"

"Like when Severus makes fun of you. Those are jokes aimed towards the purpose of making fun of people. I also laugh at Malfoy, and Black."

"Well, I suppose that's true... but it's still a rare occurrence."

"Whatever you say..."

"Goes. Whatever I say goes. HA!"

"Whatever you say DOES NOT go. Whatever _I _say goes. If whatever you said went, the whole world would be in chaos, and...and... _I WOULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!" _

"Which is why whatever I say goes. Will you be my girlfriend Lily?"

"No James, and what happened to our agreement? Part of it was you not asking me out."

"Well it went down the loo, just like your sympathy."

"Well...shut up. We haven't got time for this."

"Why?"

"Because we need to plan what we will do with our little Jenny once she comes."

"Okay... I'll be the first station and you can be the second."

"What does that mean?"

"I'll put food in, and you clean up whatever comes out."

"No James, we have to _share _that responsibility."

"But..."

"But what?"

"Poo is gross."

"Well yes, reasonable answer, but you're a _boy. _I didn't think _poo_ bothered you."

"Well, it does. So as you would say, shove it."

"Well it bothers me too, so we'll just have to share that responsibility. Besides, don't you boys just...pee in forests?"

"Well yes, but that's only for convenience, not because we enjoy it."

"Oh well that's a surprise. James Potter _doesn't _enjoy public urination."

"Damn straight."

"You didn't understand that that was an insult, did you?"

"Ye...No."

"_THIIIIIICK!_"

"I _said _I'm not. For such a smart Head Girl Lily-bean, you can be rather dull sometimes."

"I'm not dull I'm just..."

"Dead attractive."

"Yes, well that too, but I was trying to say that...oh nevermind you're not listening."

Of course I'm listening to you Lily-bean. I hang off your every word."

"Change that to 'hang yourself' off of my every word, and I'll be happy."

There was a moment of silence, and then, a very small giggle echoed in the room. Lily and James looked at each other, and turned towards the source of the noise. On the other side of Lily's bed, was a pink basinet.

A/N: YAY! Another one done… OOOOOOH! BABY!

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REVIEW!


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